


Je Regrette

by kompulsivelyKapricious



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied GamKar, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1861380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kompulsivelyKapricious/pseuds/kompulsivelyKapricious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are many things you regret, and even though this isn't at the top of your list, it's definitely a runner-up for first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Je Regrette

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, this is a thing I did on Tumblr first. A few things have been modified, fixed, whatever, and if you would like to read the original, a link will be placed here. Really there isn't much that differs between the two versions, just a little more description was added in this one. And I'll probably keep editing it as I get better at this writing intimacy thing.
> 
> Because just like Karkat, this is my first time with this sort of thing as well.
> 
> Happy reading~!!
> 
> Original Je Regrette: http://kompulsivelykapricious.tumblr.com/post/89364833853/je-regrette

It was another one of those weekends; the kind of weekend that is so horrifically slow that you can’t help but just lay there and do nothing, because no matter what you do, it’s like the clock hands never move. And so you lay there on your bed in your room, with your roommate Sollux clicking away on his stupid computer, doing his stupid coding or whatever stupid computer programming shit he was up to, as per usual. Really, you were bored and you wanted to do something, anything, to pass the time. Honestly, you were fucking desperate.

 

And so you roll off your bed and walk over to Sollux. There you lean on his shoulder and blow lightly in his ear. He twitches but says nothing. You grimace, but turn your eyes to look at the screen anyway. The screen is black, little white symbols and words and letters appear at the speed of light; or really, just as fast as Sollux’s fingers can type. You sigh loudly and drape your entire body over his shoulder, effectively annoying him to the point of acknowledging your existence.  _Damn,_  you were good.

 

“What do you want, KK? Can’t you thee that I’m working?”

 

“Obviously it isn’t so important that you can turn your eyes away from your work and look at me, so shut up, you insufferable asshat.” You lean up and poke his cheek with your index finger, a sly grin forming. “Entertain me.”

 

Sollux turns his chair around to see you properly and you promptly straddle him. You reach up and take off his glasses, staring at his heterochromatic eyes. Sure, you make fun of him a lot for having two-colored eyes, and yes, it’s fun, but you also can’t deny that it makes him that much more attractive. Maybe you like it because it’s a rare trait and you  _like_ the fact that your boyfriend is set aside for something so trivial as his eyes. Either way, you toss his glasses over your shoulder and onto his bed. His left eyebrow quirks up in surprise.

 

“You’re bold today.”

 

“And the day before that.”

 

“And the day before that.” His arms wrap around your waist, his slim fingers snaking up under the hem of your shirt and tracing small circles onto your back.

 

“And the day before that.” You throw your arms carelessly onto his shoulders and lean forward, just barely touching your lips to his. Sollux leans forward slightly, pulling you into him, but you lean back every time he tries to pull you closer.

 

“And the day before that. Damn, you're inthatiable.” He’s smirking now as his hands pull your shirt over your head and toss it onto to floor. You flash your teeth in a devilish grin and finally decide that it’s a very good idea to kiss him now. You fist your hands in his hair and pull, eliciting a groan from Sollux. He bites your bottom lip and you pull his hair hard enough to make him lean back in his seat. You’re breathing so heavily it almost sounds like you’re growling, but that’s okay because you weren’t looking for slow-paced love-making, you were looking for—

 

“KK—” Sollux gasps, breaking the kiss. “While it may theem appealing to get fucked in a chair, ith really not comfortable.”

 

“Speaking from experience?”

 

“Actually,” Sollux grins, lifting you and tossing you onto his bed. He climbs on top of you. “I am.”

 

“Oh shit.” He kisses you again, hard and fast, and suddenly, you don’t know what to do with yourself. He presses the palm of his hand against your back and pulls you against him, making you feel every inch of his body and you shudder in anticipation, though this particular solution for your boredom did not include you getting topped. You grab the edges of his shirt and pull it over his head, your hands running along his abdomen and chest, trying to keep some semblance of control in this situation. His stomach tenses when you touch him and you feel a vague sense of satisfaction, but not nearly as much satisfaction as you would have felt had you had him  _under_ you.

 

But you figured you would let him have his fun for a little bit before you flipped him over and made him beg for mercy. It was the least you could do.

 

Sollux leaned back and grabbed your wrists only to pin them above your head. With a quick grin he leans back down and begins nipping—biting, actually, real and true  _biting_ —your neck. You hiss in frustration and thrust your hips up but with his free hand he pushes you back into the mattress.

 

You can feel his lips at your ear. “Now, now, KK… we’re in no hurry.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Oh, I will. Be patient.” He teethes your ear making you shiver. You feel him laugh and you struggle against him, but since your arms are pinned over your head, you really can’t do anything to fight him. A vague sense of panic takes hold of you but you bite it back and try to relax. These kinds of activities were not meant for panic induced tension.

 

“ _Sollux._ ” You can’t help that when you talk you sound like a needy little girl. Your body is doing things of its own volition; trying to get away, trying to do anything to bring you closer to him,  _something_ other than the incessant teasing that he was offering you. And if that was  _all_ he had to offer you would just go and find entertainment elsewhere. But you couldn’t do that. You were simply too invested in this moment. “ _Sollux_.”

 

“Shh.” He kissed you to make you shut up, but it didn’t make the whining noises stop. But you couldn’t make yourself stop either, and  _God_ , was it infuriating. This is why you hated being in this position. You were powerless to do anything, and Sollux was obviously very good at what he did, and you just couldn’t handle that right now. You couldn’t be the one taking it. You couldn’t take it. You  _couldn’t._

He didn’t understand what you were trying to say, but apparently all you were capable of saying was his name. You couldn’t get anything else out. You wanted to tell him  _okay, you can’t stop now, time to switch_ , but your mouth couldn’t form those stupidly simple fucking words. Just eight fucking words and you couldn’t do it.

 

“ _Damn it_ —Sollux!” You try and toss your weight to the side, but he drops himself onto your body, effectively and  _completely_  pinning you to the bed. You scream from the frustration and tension building inside you and thrash against him again, but it still doesn’t work. You’re just too little. Shit.

 

“You’re being difficult, KK.”

 

_“I’m being terrified!”_

 

It was out before you could stop it. Sollux leaned up and stared down at you looking shocked and extremely confused. You were still panting, but now you were also shaking. It had gone too far. You hadn’t switched soon enough and you’d ruined everything. And now questions were going to be asked; questions you didn’t want to fucking answer.

 

“KK?”

 

You turned your head away so you couldn’t see him giving you weird looks. “KK.”

 

“Leave me alone.”

 

“Not until you talk to me.”

 

“Shut up and go the fuck away.”

 

“You’re in  _my_  bed.”

 

You try and get up but he pushes you back down. “ _I’m_ trying to go away so I don’t have to deal with your stupid fucking questions. Just fucking leave me alone, God damn it!”

 

“No. Tell me what you’re terrified of.” He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at you unblinkingly. Honestly, it’s creepy with his two-colored eyes. “I’m pretty sure I can gueth, but I want to hear it from you.”

 

You press your lips together for a moment. “I’m a top. Only a top. And I will only ever be a top.”

 

“I figured. Well, KK, I’m not. I do both, and I don’t like it when I’m thtuck with one or the other. You were thtraight, tho what? Now you’re not. Time to branch out.” He chuckles. “Thpread your wingth.”

 

Your face flushes crimson. “You fucking—”

 

“Okay, really inthenthitive. I get it.” He raises his hands in surrender. “We’ll take it thlow. Tell me when you’re uncomfortable. Tell me when you’re not and you want more. Okay?”

 

You grimace. “Sollux—”

 

“Okay?”

 

“I just—” you sigh and let your head fall back into the pillows. “Fine.”

 

He nods and leans back down, practically asking for permission with his eyes every single time he moves. He slides his right hand behind your neck and kisses you, slowly this time, poignantly aware of your discomfort now. At first you don’t want to kiss him back, you didn’t want this to be happening at all, there was a reason you were always on top, and  _not_ just because it made you feel vulnerable, even if that was the majority of the reason.

 

You hadn’t always been just straight. Yes, you preferred girls, but you also didn’t mind a good looking guy either. You were a well-rounded human being, as you liked to put it. With shaking hands you reach up to unbutton Sollux’s pants and start pushing them down. He stops you but you shake your head and nod, and he lets you continue. Slowly but surely, both of you are completely without clothes, but only  _you_  are shaking.

 

“KK…”

 

“No—I’m fine. Just keep—going.” Even your voice has tremors. Pathetic. “I’ll get over it.”

 

“If you’re sure.”

 

You nod. “I am. Just hurry up before I change my fucking mind.”

 

Despite the tense atmosphere he chuckles and continues. His hands slide lightly down your arms and onto your sides and then down your legs, chill bumps following his touch wherever it roamed. You like this part, you had to admit. Simply touching each other made your speech pattern do funny things. His hands traveled to the inner part of your thighs and you twitched with discomfort but didn’t stop him. Because despite every protest you would have against what was happening right now, you couldn’t deny that it felt really good to just lay there and have someone else do the work for once.

 

Sollux leans forward and places light kisses on your neck, jawline, lips, and then back down and on your chest, abdomen, and—

 

“This is the weirdest shit I have ever felt.” Your voice leaves your mouth in a breathy pant, but you don’t mind for once.

 

Sollux grins and glances up at you through thick, blonde eyelashes. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

 

“I’d be lying if I said— _fuck_.” You gasped and covered your face with your arms. Yeah, Sollux was really fucking good at what he did. “Damn it, Sol—ah!”

 

He’s laughing. That dick tickling, four-eyed, good-for-nothing, asshole was laughing at you. You couldn’t believe it. You knew why he was laughing though. But you weren’t going into details. Mainly because your body was betraying you right now by gripping the sheets, reaching for anything really, and making weird whining noises that you’d only ever made when you were a little kid and were begging for a toy you couldn’t have because you couldn't afford it. Your face was really hot, but you couldn’t tell if it was because you were embarrassed to be in this position or if you were becoming feverish from pure lust.

 

You felt your stomach tense, like everything inside of you just twisted up like a coil waiting to be released. You bite your arm and force yourself to keep from crying out. You felt Sollux’s hands on your arms and felt like punching him in the gut, or really the first thing you could find, but instead you let him remove your arms from your face. He dropped them by your sides and wiped your eyes, because apparently you were crying and he didn’t know why. Neither did you at the moment.

 

He leaned down by your ear and whispered something you didn’t really understand, but you groaned in response, reaching blindly for him so you could kiss him again, because that’s all you really wanted to do right now. Just kiss him, because maybe that would get rid of the mixed feelings of pain and pleasure being forced into and out of your body.

 

“Sol—ah!” Your hands grab his arms, your fingernails digging into his skin. You want to scream at him in a completely different way than you currently were, but you’re delirious. “I—did—” you’re cut off mid-word when he kisses you again and everything has gone still. You release him and press your palms against your face. The amount of time that passed when the world calmed down again could have been years. That's what it felt like at least.

 

“That uh—wasn’t—what I expected.” You try to sound like your smiling but the tears just keep flowing. You can feel Sollux against every inch of your body, his breath fanning hot and humid against your neck. His body shudders as he laughs and your legs twitch with discomfort.

 

You didn’t regret it, not really. And if you thought to yourself, Sollux had probably been the best person you could have had your first time with. But there is a small part of you that is crying. Not because it hurt, because you could take pain. No, you were crying because Sollux wasn’t the one you wanted.

 

And that was what you regretted.


End file.
